kramer: “well... somebody is baby sitting.”
elaine: “you? i’m more responsible than you are!”
kramer: “don’t be ridiculous... now if you excuse me, i’m gonna fill my freezer with my own blood.”

george: “what if the pig man has a two seater?”
kramer: “be realistic george.”

george: “you know einstein wore the exact same outfit every day.”
jerry: “well, if she splits the atom, i’ll let it slide.”

george: “oh, you haven't heard, she's going to live with her grandparents in redding
pennsylvania.”
vivian: “her grandparents passed away five years ago.”
george: “yes they did.”

wilhelm: “did you go down to payroll?”
george: “yes, payroll. yes i did. very productive. payroll... paid off.”
wilhelm: “well then, i guess you'll be heading downtown then, huh?”
george: “oh, yeah... downtown... definitely.”

holly: “i'm thrilled you like my mutton. i was afraid you only ate... salad.”
jerry: “hey, salad's got nothin' on this mutton.”
holly: “that is so funny. did you just make that up?”
jerry: “i wish i could take credit for it. it's actually the line my butcher uses when we're
chewing the fat. how about that beautiful uh... desk over there?”
holly: “that was in grandma's study.”
elaine: “what did you do, ransack the place after she died?”
jerry: “this is some fine mutton.”

george: “who's your favorite chess player?”
steven: “ ...nastercoff?”
george: “right. ...nezracov.”

carrie: “we like kimberley.”
george: “hu-ho, boy.”
ken: “you don't like kimberley?”
george: “ech. what else you got?”
ken: “how about joan?”
george: “aw c'mon, i'm eating here.”

george: “i solve problems. that's just what i do.”

george: “i’m like a weed jerry.”

george: “i’m losin’ it!”

jerry: “he's a bubble boy!”
george: “a bubble boy?”
jerry: “yes, a bubble boy!”
susan: “what's a bubble boy?”
jerry: “he lives in a bubble.”
george: “boy!”

george: “a low rumple... a metallic ‘squink’... a ‘glonk’... someone crying out..."dear god!" ...let's
start with, uh... with you, wyck.”

jerry: “kramer, i am so sick of you comin' in here and eatin' all my food. now shut that door
and get the hell out of here!”
kramer: “hah hah hah haa.. what is that, a new bit?”

kramer: “hey buddy.”
elaine: “hey... happy new year.”
kramer: “you all come back, rea...”

kramer: “that's it, that's it! i warned you kids. i told you not to play in front of my house.
this time, i'm keepin' it.......... and you're not getting back your rock either!”

george: “you know... all these years, i've always wanted to see the two of you get back together.”
elaine: “well, that's because you're an idiot.”

jerry: “hold it, newman, you wouldn't eat broccoli if it was deep fried in chocolate sauce.”
newman: “i love broccoli, its good for you.”
jerry: “really? then maybe you'd like to have a piece?”
newman: “gladly........... vile weed!”
jerry: “it's kramer isn't it? the greasy door knob, the constant licking of the fingers,
he's hooked to the chicken isn't he?”
newman: “yes! now please! someone! i need mustard!”

kramer: “did you see bania's set last night? 'cause i read on the internet he killed.”
jerry: “he killed... he only does well when he has me for a lead-in. he's a time slot hit.”
kramer: “well, you gotta give him some credit. you're just being totally ridiculous.”

mr. thomassoulo: “whenever you feel that you're able. um, you need a hand here.”
george: “yeah, what the hell.”

newman: “you know, old friend, sometimes i ponder this silly gulf between us and i say, "why?"
are we really so different. for what is...”
jerry: “i'm not the one doing the cooking, newman!”
newman: “damn you seinfeld! you useless pustule!”

george: “well, i got just the thing to cheer you up. a computer! huh? we can check porn,
and stock quotes.”
jerry: “porn quotes... i'm so lucky to have a friend like you, george. ever tell you how much
i love you?”
george: “what?”
jerry: “i love you, george. come here.”
george: “i... i'm already here. i'm here. i'm here. uh, you know what? if you want a computer,
call me. i... i gotta go.”
jerry: “go wherever you want. i'm still gonna love you.”
kramer: “look what they did. look what they did to my house! i turn my back for two seconds,
and they put shaving cream all over my door. you, i see you! i'll teach these kids
a lesson. where's that hose i put under your sink?”
jerry: “hose under my sink. i love you, kramer!”
kramer: “i love you, too, buddy, and george...”
george: “i don't want to hear it, kramer!”
kramer: “listen, when i give you the signal, i want you to turn this water on full blast.”
george: “what signal? what... what signal?”
kramer: “i'll yell, uh, 'hoochie mama!'”
george: “if i do it, will you buy a computer?”
kramer: “on the signal, george. on the signal.”
george: “only if you buy. i gotta make a sale.”
jerry: “i love you, costanza!”
george: “will you shut up?!”
kramer: “now! now, george! turn on the faucet! george, turn on the faucet! hoochie mama!
hoochie mama! hoochie mamaaaaaa!”

newman: “take me! take me!”
jerry: “oh, forget it! pull yourself together! you're making me sick! be a man!”
newman: “all right! ...but hear me and hear me well - the day will come. oh yes, mark my words,
seinfeld - your day of reckoning is coming. when an evil wind will blow through your
little playworld, and wipe that smug smile off your face. and i'll be there, in all my
glory, watching - watching as it all comes crumbling down!”

george: “well, you just lost a lot of business because i love to read!”

george: “diane deconn? you saw diane deconn!”
jerry: “something huh?”
george: “yeah! how'd she look.”
jerry: “she looked great. she asked about you.”
george: “she did! what did she say?”
jerry: "how's george?"
george: “george! she said george? she remembered my name! diane deconn remembered my
name! she was the "it" girl!”

gladys: “well, lemme show you what we have.”
kramer: “well uh, i think i can just browse around on my own. hmm, macchu picchu.
are these free?”

jerry: “not going to happen!”
newman: “all right, all right. all right you go ahead. you go ahead and keep it secret. but you
remember this... when you control the mail, you control... information.”

kramer: “hey!”
george: “hey.”
kramer: “who wants to have some fun!”
jerry: “i do.”
george: “i do.”
kramer: “are you just sayin' you want to have fun or do you really want to have fun?!”
jerry: “i really wanna have some fun.”
george: “i'm just sayin' i wanna have some fun.
kramer: “right now there are six-hundred titleists that i got at the driving range in the trunk of
my car. why don't we drive out to rock-a-way and hit them.................... into the ocean!
now picture this.... we find a nice sweet spot between the dunes, we take out our
drivers, we tea up and............... that ball goes sailing up into the sky holds there for a
moment and then............ gulp!”
george: “...ya wanna go get some lunch?”
jerry: “yeah.”

george: “what's going on? he still wants to have dinner with us?”
jerry: “without elaine? what for?”
george: “what, is he crazy?”
jerry: “we gotta get out of here. come on; weave your web, liar man.”
george: “i've got nothing, i-i-i-i'm blank.”
jerry: “george, what's the matter with you?”
george: “i'm choking!”

george: “i am not giving you my code.”
kramer: “i'll bet i can guess it.”
george: “pssh. yeah. right.”
kramer: “oh, alright. yeah. uh, let's see. um, well, we can throw out birthdays immediately.
that's too obvious. and no numbers for you, you're a word man. alright, let's go deeper.
uh, what kind of man are you? well, you're weak, spineless, a man of temptations, but
what tempts you?”
george: “huh?”
kramer: “you're a portly fellow, a bit long in the waistband. so what's your pleasure? is it the
salty snacks you crave? no no no no no, yours is a sweet tooth.”
george: “get out of here.”
kramer: “oh you may stray, but you'll always return to your dark master, the cocoa bean!”
kramer: “what do i need to talk for.. ha! , for to blab to the neighbors about george has a new
fem-jerry friend or to tell everybody at the coffee shop hoq george is all mixed up in a
perverse sexual amalgam of some girl and his best friend... see now , i've done all that...
now it's time for silence.”
george: “silence? ...yes!!”
jerry: “kramer you're never gonna be able to completely stop talking.”
kramer: “jerry, ninety four percent of communications is non-verbal. here watch.................”
jerry: “well what does this mean?”
kramer: “well it's frank and estelle's reaction of hearing george's man love towards she-jerry.”
george: “shut up!! shut up!! shut up!!!”
kramer: “that’s the idea!”

george: “i dont have a spare set... all my keys say ‘do not dupicate.’”
jerry: “so?”
george: “so you can’t duplicate ‘em.”
jerry-kramer: “uh hah hah hah ha...”
kramer: “sure you can... such a sweet kid.”
jerry: “hah hah!”

super: “excuse me. what are you doin’ in there?”
elaine: “nothing i uh, umm just uh......... i wasn’t in there.”

newman: “hello jerry, may i come in?”
jerry: “what do you want?”
newman: “nothing, just being neighborly. do you wanna hang out? shoot the breeze?”
jerry: “i'm not letting you cheat, newman. you're not getting anywhere near that board.”
newman: “jerry? i'm a little insulted.”
jerry: “you're not a little anything newman.”

kramer: “if you were miss america, what would you do to make the world a better place?”
karen: “as miss america, i would try and bring an end to world hunger. if every person sacrificed
one meal a week, there would be enough to feed the whole world!”
jerry: “that's a hell of a plan. listen...“

kramer: “there she is.... miss. america – “
jerry: “oh shut the fuck up!”

jerry: “so, elaine, notice anything different about my pants?”
elaine: “ ....................................so, george...”

elaine: “i don’t have a fax machine.”
jerry: “here we go...”

george: “i was in the locker room shower and uh, i had to go, so...”
jerry: “here we go...”

kramer: “well, what's the matter?”
jerry: “what did i just pay for?”
kramer: “uh-oh. you're a jan...”

jerry: “can't we eat at a decent hour? i'll treat, okay?”
helen: “you're not buying us dinner.”
jerry: “i'm not force-feeding myself a steak at four-thirty to save a coupla bucks,
i'll tell you that!”
helen: “alright... we'll wait.... but it's unheard of.”

george: “hey, 'the white shadow' is on...”
jerry: “boy, your really packing it all in.”
kramer: “hey jerry, you got any tums?”
jerry: “stomach ache?”
kramer: “i drank too much water in the shower.”
jerry: “aah, top of the fridge. hey george, i'm taking that waitress to the tony's.”
george: “shadow!”

jerry: “hey, t-bone!”
george: “no. no t-bone.”
jerry: “no t-bone?”
kramer: “hey, is that t-bone?!”
jerry: “no! there's no t-bone!”
kramer: “well, why no t-bone?!”
jerry: “why no t-bone?”
george: “'cause neil watkins from accounting is t-bone!”
kramer: “oh, yeah i'm back. hey, you wanna play cards over the phone? oh, hey, uh, listen, jerry,
uh, laundry's pilin' up there. you might want to tell your girlfriend. mmm. yeah.”
george: “your girlfriend is doin' your laundry?”
kramer: “he's sleeping with his maid!!”
george: “you're sleepin' with the maid?”
jerry: “yes.“
george: “i've done that... did you ever eat an ostrich burger?”
jerry: “no.”

sophie: “are you sick, rafe? you sound kinda funny.”
jerry: “i sound funny?”
george: “abort! abort!”
jerry: “yeah i better get to a doctor, bye... that was close! what drives me to take
chances like that?
george: “that was very real.”
jerry: “she said there's some tractor story that she hasn't told me about.”
george: “woah, back it up, back it up. beep, beep, beep. tractor story?”
jerry: “...............beep, beep, beep? what are you doing?”

susan: “you don't know what i use for birth control, do you?”
george: “of course i do.”
susan: “you do? what?”
george: “you know. you use the, uh... fleman.”
susan: “the what?”
george: “you know, the uh... uh huh fleman.”

loretta: "george, i've always fantasized about jumping into bed with you."
george: "ho ho!"
loretta: "but... i don't want to spoil things by sleeping with you too soon."
george: "are you sure? 'cause it could really help me out of a jam."

george: “let me just say this. it is inhumane to make a man stand on his feet, in one spot for
eight hours a day. why shouldn't he have a chair?”
jerry: “well, what about criminal activity? he's got to be alert.”
george: “what, he can't jump out of the chair? how long does that take?” here look at this...
here, watch...... criminals! boom! i'm up! stop it! stop it! stop it!

jerry: “well, at least you probably had some, uh, pretty good make-up sex afterwards.”
george: “i didn't have any sex.”
jerry: “you didn't have make-up sex? how could you not have make-up sex? i mean that's the
best feature of having a relationship!”
george: “i missed up on the make-up sex.”
jerry: “in your situation the only sex you're going to have better than make-up sex is if you're
sent to prison and you have a conjugal visit.”
george: “yeah, conjugal visit sex... that is happening.”

elaine: “yeah, yeah, i saw it.......... i mean, it's complete bullshit.”
jerry: “huh?”
elaine: “what...?”
jerry: “no, what'd you say?”
elaine: “nothing. i didn't say anything.”

george: “you're right, how did i miss that? ............maybe because it's a crock of shit.”
jerry: “what's that?”
george: “nothing.”
jerry: “i heard something.”
george: “didn't say anything.”

elaine: “o.k., can i just watch the show? ........god, what an asshole.”
jerry: “what did you say?”
elaine: “i didn't say anything.”

candice bergen: “steven. are you familiar with this computer system?”
kramer: “oh - i'm familiar with it.”

george: “one, two... three, four.......... ha ho!”

jerry: “we can visit together!!”
george: “every five years!!”

jerry: “you know when i first met you kramer you used to wear jeans all the time.”
kramer: “yeah well, i was a different man then.”
jerry: “with a different body.”
kramer: “hey i’ve got uh, body of a tad, pre-teen swedish boy.”

elaine: “so what d’ya think?”
accountant: “another bull’s-eye.”

jerry: “where’re you goin?”
george: “i’m gonna talk to beth.”
jerry: “talk to beth?”
george: “i’m gonna undo what i did.”
jerry: “you’re not undoing anything!”
george: “oh yes i am!”
jerry: “no you’re not!”
george: “awright get out of my way... awright don’t make me get physical here!!”
elaine: “you be careful george
george: “oh ho ho hoo! awright! awright! don’t do it! stop that!....”

betsy: “does she have any plans after she's released?”
george: “plans. schemes. she keeps talking about getting back together with her old friends -
"the gang," as she likes to call them, you know. yeah, they're hatching something,
you can count on that.”

celia: “go out and have a ball with the guys. i'll be waiting right here for you.”
george: “of course you will.”

mr oh: “jerry seinfeld is a dangerous lunatic. he wouldn't let us out of the drawers. then he
came at me with an axe.”
executive: “we suspect his friend here is also unbalanced.”

celia: “good news - i'm up for parole.”
george: “parole! ....that's dynamite!”

jerry: “look, we got five hours before the game. i am betting it was a funeral 'hello'. he knows
we're here, he knows the number, he knows we want to go. there's plenty of time for him
to call and give us the tickets.”
kramer: “you stubborn, stupid, silly man!”

george: “i can’t sell the book. it’s been marked.”
jerry: “it sure is.”

jerry: “could you put him on, i’d like to say ‘hello’.”
beth: “sure... george it’s jerry.”
george: “he-he wants to talk to me?”
beth: “yeah. he says he wants to say hello.”
george: “sweet guy...................... hello?”
jerry: “george what the hell are you doin’ over there? i told you to mind your own business! now
stay out of my affairs!”
george: “oh jerry, jerry that is so sweet of you but actually i’ve already ate uh huh.”
jerry: “ate? what? what the hell are you talkin about? now you listen to me, you get out of that
apartment- this incident- if you screw this up for me- “
george: “uh huh...”
jerry: “...i swear i’m gonna kill you george-“
george: “chocolate chip mint? actually jerry i prefer chocalete chip... what is it about the
chocalate and the mint that makes it go well together?”
jerry: “what ‘re you talkin about?”
george: “oh, of course you can use it, sure.”
jerry: “you’re not- george- “
george: “okey...”
jerry: “what’re you talkin- “
george: “ba-bye...”
jerry: “george- i swear- “

george: “all right. okay, tell me what you think about this idea: extend the doors on the toilet
stalls at yankee stadium all the way to the floor.”
jerry: “mmm ...door comes down, hides your feet. yes! i like it. i like it a lot.”
george: “it's good, right?”
jerry: “i think it's fantastic. i think it's a fantastic idea.”

jerry: “hey, kramer if i killed somebody would you turn me in?”
kramer: “uh... definitely.”
jerry: “you're kidding?”
kramer: “no, no, i would turn you in.”
jerry: “you would turn me in?”
kramer: “phwap, i wouldn't even think about it.”
jerry: “i can't believe you’re supposed to be a friend of mine!”
kramer: “what kind of person are you going around killing people?”
jerry: “well, i am sure i had a good reason.”
kramer: “well,, if you'll kill this person, who's to say i wouldn't be next?”
jerry: “but you know me!”
kramer: “i thought i did!”

george: “the uh... the shoelaces that you bought me they... worked out well.”
susan: “you know, if you need more... i can get ’em for you.”
george: “ ...should be a while though.”

kruger: “mary, i will have a chef's salad.”
worker: “turkey sandwich.”
george: “t-bone steak.”
kruger: “for lunch?”
george: “well, i am just a t-bone kinda guy, uh huh... love that t-bone!”

elaine: “hey kramer, my friend wendy wants to go out with you.”
kramer: “well, how do you do?”

george: “so the wig mas- .....the wig master said you could stop by the theater tonight, and he’ll
show you around................. would you pick a station!!”
kramer: “god! .....i like ‘em all.”

elaine: “you’re wrong about craig. he’s a very sweet guy.”
jerry: “what about the pony tail?”
elaine: “what about it?”
jerry: “c’mon... pony tail? ...get real.”

kramer: “it’s tomato juice... look.”
jerry: “you’re sick!! you’re sick!!!”

newman: “what about jerry?”
kramer: “he can’t handle that... he’s delicate.”

newman: “i’m sure if we put our three heads together, we should come up with something.”

grandpa mandlebaum: “my boys!”
dad mandlebaum: “my dad!”
son mandlebaum: “my grandpa!”
jerry: “oh come on!!”

helen: "don't eat cookies for breakfast! i'll fix you something. how 'bout a feta cheese
omelette?"
kramer: "mmmm, that sounds great, mom."
jerry: "if you feed him, he'll never leave!"

kramer: “oh, hey, how you doing?”
jerry: “oh, hi. i-i'm jerry seinfeld. i'm movin' in. i saw your name on the buzzer –
you must be kessler.”
kramer: “uh, no. actually, it's kramer.”
jerry: “oh.”
kramer: “uh, you need any help, or..?”
jerry: “no, thanks. but i ordered a pizza. you want some of it?”
kramer: “uh, no, no, no. i couldn't impose.”
jerry: “why not? we're neighbors. what's mine is yours.”
kramer: “really?”
george:” let me ask you a question. who would win in a fight between you and me?”
jerry: “well, what do you mean?”
george: “well if you and i ever got into, like a really serious fight you know, and the punches
started flying -- who do you think would win?”
jerry: “well i think that's pretty obvious.”
george: “ ......yeah. me too.”
jerry: “hey elaine.”
elaine: “hey.”
jerry: “who, who, who do you think would win in a fight between me and ah, gorgeous
george here.”
elaine: “you mean in a real fight fight?”
jerry: “mona a baldo.”
elaine: “george.”
george: “ah-ha!”
jerry: “why?”
elaine: “george fights dirty.”
jerry: “really? what would you do?”
george: “pull hair, poke eyes, groin stuff... whatever i gotta do.”

george: “he uh, doesn’t have any running water?”
jerry: “i don’t ask those kind of questions anymore.”

george: “this bread has nuts in it!!”

george: “why must there always be a problem!?”

kramer: “don’t sweat it buddy... i too had fleas.”
jerry: “what did you do about them?”
kramer: “what do you mean?”

kramer: “someone’s having a bad day.”
jerry: “yeah, because of you.”
kramer: “then i think one of us should leave!”

george: “no chinese leftovers. george is gettin' suspicious!!”

george: "you remember my cousin rhisa? i'm gonna date her."
jerry: "mother of god."

jerry: "hey, you know what? this is all your mail. they're puttin' it in my box now."
kramer: "oh, that's it. they have gone too far. they keep pushing me, and pushing me!!
now i got no choice but to go down there... and talk to them."

jerry: “he talks about him, like he split the atom.”

george: “they were drinking champagne in a buggy!”
frank: “first kramer, then elaine?”
george: “yeah.”
frank: “it's a slap in the face!”
estelle: “what did we ever do to them? i wanna know what we did to them!!”
frank: “what are they too good for us? a raincoat salesman, i could buy and sell 'em like that.”
estelle: “the hell with them.”
george: “the thing that bothers me the most, is the lying!!”

george: “so uh where are the clothes?”
rudy: “i burned 'em.”
george: “oh! ............that's good.”

frank: “tomorrow i'm going straight down to this rudy and get my clothes.”
kramer: “a mouse!!”

kramer: “say you got a big job interview, and you're a little nervous. well throw back a couple o’
shots of hennigans and you'll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time. and
because it's odorless, why, it will be our little secret..... h, e, double n, i...”

jerry: “george, could you help me, please?”
george: “yes. this is wrong!!”
jerry: “sing it sister!”

elaine: “oh, come on. that fountain of youth scene at the end, where they're all splashin' around,
and then they go running over to the mirror to see if it really worked? i mean, come on!
that's stupid!”
george: “lemme tell you sum'in. when ponce looked in that mirror and saw that he hadn't
changed, and that tear started to roll down his cheek? ... i lost it.”

mr. dalrymple: “it’s not veal.”
george: “well it’s a good lookin’ piece of meat.”

conrad: “jerry, do you want a flat edge on this molding or do you want me to bevel it?”
jerry: “i'll tell you what i’d like you to do with it.”

secretary: “your grandchildren are here to see you.”
steinbrenner: “oh, well, send them in, send the tykes in… little people... pony express… wow.”

george: “i just wanted to tell you that i really enjoyed fair game. i thought it was just brilliant.”
alton benes: “drivel.”
george: “maybe some parts.”
alton benes: “what parts?”
george: “the drivel parts....... oh my gosh, i-i just realized. i- i have to make a phone call.
i ca- can’t bel- believe... uh huh... wou- would you ju... i-i-i-i... i’ve been fo – “

peterman: “elaine, who among us hasn't snuck into the break room to nibble on a love newton?”
elaine: “love newton?!”

jerry: “i think i’m in love!”
kramer: “oh come on.”

jerry: “wait a minute i’ve just realized what’s goin’ on...”
kramer: “what?”
jerry: “now i know what i’ve been looking for all these years... myself! i’ve been waiting for me to
come along! and now i’ve swept myself off my feet!”
kramer: “you stop it man! you’re freakin’ me out!! ........jeez!”

jerry: “’hey’ is the same thing as ‘hello’... what do you think jeannie?”
jeannie: ” yeah i think it’s the same thing.”
kramer: “oh, big surprise...”

jerry: “well you can't take her maybe you can't take me either.”
kramer: “so that's how it's going to be?”
jerry: “that's how it's gonna be!”
kramer: “oh god, help us!!!”

kramer: “is this oak?”
manager: “i think it's pine.”
kramer: “pine is good.”
manager: “yeah. pine's okay.”

kramer: “jerry! no! i won’t be like you! i’ll never be like you!”

george: “oh, you're fine... you're fine. so you think this guy playing kramer took the raisins?”
jerry: “why would he steal a box of raisins?”
george: “yeah....... it's bizarre.”

george: “the whole time that i was growing up, all i ever heard from my mother was 'why can't
you be more like that lloyd braun?'”
jerry: “and in the end lloyd braun became more like you.”

george: “hey deena, come on, give us a hug. oh my gosh, you look as pretty as you did back
in high school.
deena: “boy, those were some crazy times.”
george: “yeah, yeah. speaking of crazy, did you hear about lloyd braun?”

nick: “if you see him, could you just tell him the cable company was here?”
jerry: “sure.”
nick: “thanks.”
jerry: “.................nice people.”

jerry: “hey, cable guy's looking for you.”
kramer: “oh, yeah?”
jerry: “yeah.”
kramer: “oh. yeah, i been getting hbo and showtime for free. see, they just found out about it,
so now they wanna come and take it out.”
jerry: “well, said he was waiting about two hours. seemed a little put out.”
kramer: “oh, was he? was he? i guess the cable man doesn't like to be kept waiting.”
jerry: “you don't seem too bothered by it.”
kramer: “you remember what they did to me ten years ago? "oh, we'll be there in the morning
between nine and one", or "we'll be there between two and six"! and i sat there, hour
after hour, without so much as a phone call. finally, they show up, no apology, tracking
mud all over my nice clean floors. now, they want me to accommodate them. well, looks
like the shoe's on the other foot, doesn't it?”
jerry: “boy, i've never seen you like this.”
kramer: “oh, you don't wanna get on my bad side.”

helen: “to what do we owe this great honour?”
jerry: “you wanna know? come on outside.”
morty: “outside? what's going on?”
helen: “whenever jerry comes, something exciting happens.”

jerry: “hey! ............heeey!!”
kramer: “watch out boy!”

kramer: “so uh, are you sure you don’t wanna go to the movies?”
connie: “i-ih no, cosmo i just wanna be here with you.”
kramer: “ooh uh, that’s uh.... that’s a bold adventure huh? ooh... this uh... risky business huh?”

kramer: “here you go, buddy.”
jerry: “what is it?”
kramer: “fusilli jerry! it's made, from fusilli pasta. see the microphone?”
jerry: “when did you do this?”
kramer: “in my spare time.”
jerry: “oh... why fusilli?”
kramer: “because you're silly. get it?”

jerry: “hey look! a dinosaur!!”

kramer: “there’s a great house, pool, sun bathy, oh yeah i’ll be there.”

george: “i like this area. i could live out here.”
kramer: “yeah, we ought to all get a house and live together.”

soup nazi: “very good, very good... you know something?”
elaine: “mmm?”
soup nazi: “no soup for you!! come back, one year!”
george: “were you just talkin’ about me, what’s goin on?”

george: “what about marissa tomei?!!”

kramer: “you got a dog?!”

george: “yo anna!”
anna: “hah ha... hey george, what’re you up to?”
george: “you don’t wanna knowww...”

jerry: “hey doc! check this out! ...................i just learned that!”

kramer: “hey jerry!! i’m goin’ to walden books!”
jerry: “oh get out!! get out!! i don’t wanna live like this!!”

kramer: “yo yo ma!”
jerry: “what? yo yo ma?”
kramer: “what ‘bout him?”
jerry: “you just said; ‘yo yo ma’.”
george: “what’s yo yo ma?”

george: “all right, let's postpone it. let's get out of here.”
jerry: “what do you mean? they know we're here.”
george: “i'll fake an illness! my back! my back! i can't believe, my back.”
jerry: “no, no, would you get up?”
george: “i can do this, jerry.”
jerry: “no.”
george: “all right, i'll tell them my sister died. my poor sister died. she was standing and then
she was laughing and then they shot her! that's the kind of sick city that we're livin' in.
they shoot you for laughing. i must go and comfort my poor family. jerry, take me home
so i can comfort my... my poor family.”
jerry: “what?”
george: “that's david letterman. i just saw david letterman walk by. i'll be right back.”

kramer: “mr. peterson... you gotta sell my stories back.”

jerry: “hey, see those two women over there? i almost dated the one on the right. she's in the
closet business.”
george: “the closet business? what's the closet business?”
jerry: “what is it your business?”

george: “well, i'll tell you, stacey. it's a lot of hard work. but, it comes fairly easy to me...
some people write symphonies... this is my gift.”

elaine: “what? was it something i said?”
jerry: “she's a virgin, she just told me.”
elaine: “well i didn't know.”
jerry: “well it's not like spotting a toupee.”

jerry: “hi, marla.”
marla: “jerry.”
jerry: “george, marla.”
george: “marla.”
marla: “george. jerry, stacey.”
jerry: “stacey.”
stacey: “jerry.”
jerry: “george, stacey.”
george: “stacey.”
stacey: “george.”
jerry: “george.”
george: “jerry. marla. stacey! “

george: “every time i think i'm out, they pull me back in!!”

jerry: “well, i think you're wrong.”
george: “well, we'll just see.”
jerry: “yes we will.“
george: “yes we will.”
jerry: “i just said that.”
george: “i know you did.”
jerry: “so good for you.”
george: “so good for you.”
jerry: “well you're repeating everything i'm saying?”
george: “well you're repeating everything i'm saying?”
jerry: “well george is an idiot.”
george: “well george- “

receptionist: “yes, mr. seinfeld. would you please fill in this form.”
morty: “all this? this whole thing? it's going to take me forty-five minutes.”
receptionist: “i know. it's very long.”
morty: “look at this. it's a book.”

dr. reston: “elaine. have you been urinating a lot again?”
elaine: ”. . . no.”

kramer: “...johnny ...was a rebel. he rode through the land...”

kramer: “so i’m ‘filk’... oh mama.”

newman: “pair of bear-claws please.”
george: “the story is the foundation of all entertainment. you must have a good story otherwise
it's just masturbation.”

russell: “well, why am i watching it?”
george: “because it's on tv.”
russell: “not yet.”

jerry: “that's davola!!”
george: “what? where? where?”
jerry: “outside! i saw him outside!”

kramer: “you called me?”
newman: “yes, i called you, you idiot! because you were going to.. you were going to...remember?”
kramer: “what?”
newman: “you were going to... you were going to do something to yourself! you were going to do
something to yourself! remember the banking? the banking, about the banking, about
the banking!!!”

newman: “hey, you're not gonna get away with this! i'll fight this! i got witnesses!”
kramer: “i saw the whole thing!!”

jerry: “what do you mean they're not going to do anything, they're the cops, they gotta do
something, he just put the kibosh on me, do you know what the kibosh means, its a kibosh!”
kramer: “yiddigtkk ka kibosh!”

mr. steinbrenner : “eggplant. yes. that's a hell of a thing. okay let's get back to business. okay
here you go. very good, very good. excellent, excellent little calzone you got
there costanza. okay... a little jealous...”

mr. steinbrenner: “i am loving this calzone. the pita pocket prevents it from dripping...
the pita pocket.”

jerry: “what's wrong with your oven?”
kramer: “i’m baking a pie!”

jerry: “what kind of pie are you cooking?”
kramer: “huckleberry.”

george: “i tell you, jerry, i'm feeling something. something i haven't felt in a long time.”
jerry: “pride?”
george: “no.”

george: “she’s somethin’ isn’t she?”
jerry: “yeah she’s somethin’ else.”

kramer: “i missed my chance!”
j. peterman: “i can run that catalog no longer.”
elaine: “what? well, who's gonna do it?”
j. peterman: “what about you?”
elaine: “me? why me?”
j. peterman: “why, indeed.”

wyck: “i'm wyck thayer, chairman of the susan ross foundation.”
george: “wink.”
wyck: “wyck.”
george: “wyck.”

george: “you see what just happened here?”
jerry: “what?”
george: “she treated me to the arabian mocha java.”
jerry: “and you misinterpret this how?”
george: “she's stickin' it to me that she makes more money than me.”
jerry: “i'm sure she was just being nice, buying you the coffee.”
george: “no, not nice. she's stickin' it to me.”
jerry: “you're crazy.”
george: “stickin' it to me, jerry.”
jerry: george!”
george: “stickin' it!!”

kramer: “oh... i’ll be comfortable.”

elaine: “it’s not my fault.”
george: “yes it is!! ...you’re very charming!!”

jerry: “you’re the consolation guy!”
george: “i’m the consolation guy?”
kramer: “consolation guy is big.”

elaine: “wowww... doctor!”

kramer: “i’m goin’ in.”

newman: “i’m goin’ in.”

kramer: “wait, there is one way to find out. we set up a sting. you know like abscam!
like abscam jerry!”

george: “two cups in the front, two loops in the back. how do they do it?”

elaine: “you know there had to have been a second spitter. but who was it? who had the motive?”
jerry: “that's what i've been trying to figure out the past five years.”
george: “what the hell are you two talking about?”

elaine: “why?”
newman: “why? i'll tell you why...”
kramer: “let me tell it...”
newman: “no, you can't tell it...”
kramer: “you always tell it...”
newman: “all right, tell it.”
krmaer: “ja ja ja ja– you just tell it!”

elaine: “george... i met this woman. she’s not travelling to any other dimension.”

frank: “you got the a, b, c and d... that’s the biggest.”
george: “i know the d is the biggest. i based my whole life on knowing that d is the biggest!”

estelle: “but george... what about the jello?”
george: “..................i’ll have it in my room.”

newman: “no... but there’s karma kramer.”
jerry: “karma kramer?”

george: “that’s beautiful.”

jerry: “what do you do?”
george: “i'm an architect.”
jerry: “you're an architect?”
george: “i'm not?”
jerry: “i don't see architecture comin from you...”
george: “.............i suppose you could be an architect...”

jerry: “what is his name?”
george: “bert... har... bin... son. bert har-bin-son.”
jerry: “bert harbinson? it sounds made up.”
george: “no good? alright, how about art... corr.....”
jerry: “art corr...”
george: “...velay...”
jerry: “corvelay?”

george: “i forgot who i am! who am i?!”
jerry: “you're you. we're having lunch with art corvelay.”
george: “vandelay!”
jerry: “corvelay!”
george: “let me be the architect, i can do it!”

george: “i'm, uh, i'm an architect.”

elaine: “i’ve always loved u...... nited airlines...”

jerry: “that’s a shame.”

vanessa: “sagman, bennet, robbins, oppenheim and taft.”
jerry: “sagman, bennet, robbins, oppenheim and taft... sagman, bennet, robbins, oppenheim and
taft...”

frank: “alright! that’s it!! we’re movin.”
estelle: “alright frank that’s enough...”

frank: “move woman.”

frank: “what is this? a prophylactic wrapper?!”

george: “she gave me, the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ routine.”
jerry: “but it’s your routine!!”

kramer: “okey. who wants meatloaf?”

george: “students can’t clean... it’s anathema......................... they don’t like it.”
jerry: “how long have you been waiting to squeeze that into a conversation.”

george: “i’m gonna count to three... if you don’t give up the chair... the wig, is coming off.”
glenda: “i don’t wear a wig!”
george: “one...”

george: “what? oh my god. what?! is it meningitis?! scoliosis?! lupis?! is it lupis?!”

doctor: “that's interesting. because, no one in my family has their tonsils, and we were forbidden
to socialize with tonsil people.”
jerry: “well, it's like the capulets and the montagues.”

george: “that’s my dream jerry.”
jerry: “i had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating me!!”

george: “wait a minute, rinitze? don't they have somme really cool suits in there?”
kramer: “real boss!”

kramer: “hey, elaine scratch my back.”
elaine: “no way!”
kramer: “come on, one lap around.”
elaine: “no.”
kramer: “it will be a funky adventure.”

george: “this prison stinks.”

george: “i stopped having sex.”
jerry: “since when are you so trendy?”
kramer: “hey, baby. i set the trends. who do you think started this whole café latte?”
jerry: “i don't recall you drinking café latte.”
kramer: “i've been drinking café latte since the fifth grade and i haven't looked back.”

jerry: “you promise you’ll never come in here again?”
kramer: “you know jerry i can’t do that!”

elaine: "i'll bet he's in a relationship."
jerry: "or he's a crime fighter safeguarding his secret identity!!”

george: "hey, you know, there's this secretary at work that always had a crush on me."
jerry: "really? how come you never pursued her before?"
george: "she's too tan.”

george: "the, uh, actor that played jesus made some odd choices."
loretta: "what?!"
george: "i mean, uh... i had fun ice skating."

george: “ah, excuse me, vice-president coco, no one cares about your gammy.”
coco: “what did you say about my gammy?”
george: “forget gammy.”
kruger: “who's gammy?”
george: “there's no gammy.”
kruger: “maybe there should be a gammy.”
george: “oh, no.”
kruger: “george.”
everybody: “gammy! gammy! gammy! gammy! gammy! gammy! gammy!”
george: “gammy's gettin' upset!”

saleswoman: “actually, the unadvertised sale starts on friday.”
bob: “friday? thanks.”
george: “you know honey for an unadvertised sale, you're doing a lot of yapping about it.”

gwen: “it's not you, it's me.”
george: “you're giving me the ‘it's not you, it's me’ routine? i invented ‘it's not you, it's me’.
nobody tells me it's them not me, if it's anybody it's me.”
gwen: “all right, george, it's you.”
george: “you're damn right it's me!”

steinbrenner: “oh my god, do you know what this means, wilhelm?”
wilhelm: “what, sir?”
steinbrenner: “he's dead! costanza's dead!”
wilhelm: “well, no, no, you see, i don't think- “
steinbrenner: “as quickly as he came here, he's gone. the poor little guy! easy. easy, big stein,
get it together.”
george: “it’s sand... it’s everywhere!!”

wilhelm: “mr. steinbrenner, i am very concerned about george costanza.”
steinbrenner: “how 'bout a 'good morning'?”
wilhelm: “yes sir, good morning, good morning, sir.”
steinbrenner:”good morning to you, wilhelm.”

steinbrenner: “what is with these people, all day long.”

elaine: “what’s with him?”
jerry: “you know a lot of people have asked that.”

jerry: “ah. you know, ‘primavera’ is italian for ‘spring’.”
george: “no!”
jerry: “yeah.”

george: “i'm gay! i'm a gay man! i'm very, very gay.”
allison: “you're gay?”
george: “extraordinarily gay. steeped in gayness.”

kramer: “well there ought to be ball men!”

elaine: “he's the loser. she's the victor. to the victor belong the spoils.”
jerry: “well i don't care, i don't want to go anyway. i don't want to fight that traffic on friday
night.”
elaine: “well we can take the car service from my office.”
jerry: “really?”
elaine: “yeah, they don't know.”
kramer: “all right, i'll see you later.”
jerry: “okay.”
george: "to the victor belong the spoils..."

michael: “you think you're so damn special because you say 'god bless you'?”
george: “no, no, i don't think i'm special. my mother always said i'm not special.”

enzo: “oh, not everyone like newman, so loyal.”
newman: “yeah, just the way that i was raised... i'm special.”

george: “this country needs more people like you!”
jerry: “don't sell yourself short saying 'god bless you' to every tom, dick and harry in great
personal risk.”
george: “i believe strongly in that as you know.”
jerry: “there should be more people like us.”
george: “that's why the world's in the shape it's in.”

jerry: “a matador! well, well, well. uno momento por favor.”
jerry: “she's a virgin, she just told me.”
elaine: “well i didn't know.”
jerry: “well it's not like spotting a toupee.”

stu: “the bit, the bit i really liked what were the parakeet flew into the mirror. now that's
funny.”
george: “ah hah hah hah hah ha... the parakeet in the mirror. that's a good one, stu.”

women: “so, do you work for one of those big broker-houses?”
george: “they wish. i hate the big broker-houses. hate them with a passion. big broker-houses
killed my father.”
woman: “really?”
george: “well, they hurt him bad. really hurt his feelings.”

jerry: “we'll be fine, what did she say?”
george: “she told me she wants- ...she told me she wants me to make love to her.”
jerry: “what? she said that?”
george: “yeah.”
jerry: “get out of here.”
george: “i swear.”

george: “this is a guy i know.. kramer.”
kramer: “¿habla espanol?”
george: “ oh my god.”
antonio: “si.”
kramer: “¿como se dice.. waterbed?”

uncle leo: “she hasn't left the apartment in twenty-five years!”
jerry: “i've been thinking about her, i just cashed some of her checks.”
kramer: “yeah, that's right. you did.”
uncle leo: “what kind of checks?”
jerry: “i think chemical bank.”
kramer: “oh, they were chemical.”

landlord: “tell me, is it your contention that shakespeare was an imposter?”
kramer: “my contention?”
landlord: “yes, your contention.”
kramer: “yes, that's my contention.”
elaine: “i heard him contend that.”
landlord: “it's too bad about your father.”
elaine: “oh, it was a frame-up.”
landlord: “a fine man, he spoke often of you. he's very proud of the work you're doing.”
elaine: “oh, well, we're all proud of the work i'm doing.”
kramer: ”she does fine work.”

george: “she just gave me the finger!!”

george: “now let's try "breast"... celeste... kest... “
jerry: “no.”
george: “rest... sest... hest...”
jerry: "hest? that's not a name.”
george: “what, you should've just asked her.”
jerry: “i know, i should've asked her.”
george: “what're you gonna do now?”
jerry: “i dunno. i can't ask her now; i've already made out with her. once you make out with a
woman, you can't ask her her name.”
george: “aretha!”
jerry: “no...”
george: “bovary!”
jerry: “alright, that's enough.”

leader: "please don't call me 'pinhead'."
george: "i'm losin' it!"
jerry: "he took you to rage-aholics? why?"
george: "probably because this whole universe is against me!!"
jerry: "you've got a little rage."
george: "i know. and now they want me to bottle it up. it makes me so mad!!!"
jerry: "by the way, my bad naked demo didn't quite work."
george: "this bread has nuts in it!"

roxanne: “so, you're elaine's hero.”
jerry: “yeah, it's my life's work.”
roxanne: “there are so few true heros left in this world.”
george: “yeah, my wife couldn't make it today. she's got some thing with her mother...
who know's what going on with her. don't let any one kid you, it's tough.”

jerry: “ what's the matter, did you call?”
george: “got her machine. i'm dead. i'm a dead man. that's it. i'm dead. i'm a dead man.
dead man.”

george: “you got the tape?”
jerry: “standard. micro.”
george: “how do you feel? confident?”
jerry: “feel good.”
george: “you nervous?”
jerry: “not at all.”
george: “get up, get up, it's her. oh, the hell with this, i'm scared to death, just walk away, it's
off, cancel everything, just go, go!”

kramer: “police! open up!”
ray: “police?”
kramer: “freeze, mama!!”
george: “i'm not kidding.”
jerry: “what does that mean?”
elaine: “i think what he's trying to say is that he's having a heart attack.”
jerry: “oh, he's having a heart attack.”
george: “tightness...”
jerry: “c'mon.”
george: “shortness of breath...”
jerry: “oh, this is ridiculous.”
george: “radiating waves of pain...”

estelle: “why don't you want to take a civil service test?”
george: “to do what?! work in a post office? is that what you want me to do?”
frank: “would you believe when i was 18, i had a silver dollar collection?”

george: “of course it’s kashmere...”

kramer: “what bachelor auction?”
elaine: “oh it's a thing where they auction off dates with bachelors for charity.”
kramer: “and you didn't ask me to do it? i could raise enough money to cure polio.”
jerry: “i believe they've had a cure for polio for quite some time.”
kramer: “polio?”

jerry: “well i'll tell you this, you can forget about me going to that bachelor auction.”
elaine: “what? no jerry, you have to go.”
george: “you know elaine, i'd do it but i'm working that day.”
elaine: “ yeah, too bad.”

elaine: “jerry, the auction is in a few hours.”
jerry: “take the k-man.”
elaine: “you can still go.”
kramer: “what are you kidding? look at him. he's grotesque.”
elaine: “you think?”
kramer: “do i think? he's repugnant.”

george: “it is gortex.”

jerry: “may i?”
george: “i insist..... i’ll fix us a drink..... i get it.”

jerry: “well the crowd most have gone wild!”
george: “oh yes they did jerry they were all over me. it was like rocky 1.”

jerry: “and that waist cincher, that was the topper!”
kramer: “oh, you're poo-pooing!”
jerry: “yes, i poo-poo.”

frank: “ya know what i like about manhattan? there's no mosquitoes.”
george: “plenty of mosquitoes.”
frank: “queens is full of mosquitoes.”
george: “so, dad...”
frank: “gnats, too. if i'm not mistaken.”
george: ”dad! i heard you were in the city the other day.”
frank: “your mother has to tell you every move i make!?”
george: “no... jerry and elaine saw you.”
frank: “they didn't say hello?”
george: “well, they were in a rush.”
frank: “they couldn't just say hello?!... oh, to hell with them.”
george: “they, uh... said you were with some guy who was wearing a cape, ha ha.”
frank: “elaine, i can see, not sayin' hello. she's very... what's the word...supercilious.”
george: “so dad.”
frank: “how could jerry not say hello?!!”

frank: “jerry, how come you didn't say hello to me the other day, huh?!”
jerry: “elaine was.. in a rush.”
frank: “i knew it was elaine!!”

elaine: “uh! kramer! you have got to let me talk to her!”
kramer: “can't help ya, kid.”
elaine: “get the fu--”

newman: “come on jerry. you know something! tell me!! tell me!! ......oh, chocolates...”

jerry: “but it's just a friendly game. why do you have to be such a stickler?”
kramer: “because that's the way i weas raised. you know when i was growing up i had to be in
bed every night by nine o'clock. and if i wasn't, well i don't have to tell you what
happened.“

kramer: “yeah, but maybe i pushed him over the edge.”
jerry: “no, i don't think so.“
kramer: “poor pinkus.................. poor little pinkus.”

steinbrenner: “you know as painfull as it is i had to let a few people go over the years. yogi
berra, lou pinella, bucky dent, billy martin, dallas green, dick houser, bill virdon,
billy martin, scott marrow, billy martin, bob lemmon, billy martin, gene michael,
buck showalter, … uh, tut!, . . .george, you didn't hear that from me. . . george!”

kramer: “hi.”
police officer: “you cosmo kramer?”
kramer: “uh, yes, uh...”
police officer: “you recognise this piece of fabric?”
kramer: “yeah, oh yeah that’s—“

george: “it’s hot in here.”

p.s.: copy paste değildir. tümü dizinin bölümlerinin izlerken tarafımdan seçilmiş ve ayrı ayrı yazılmıştır.^*

(brainworm - 15 Temmuz 2004 16:14)